15 Ways to boost your sex life
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Sex is easy. After all, our bodies are designed for it. But if you want to perfect your performance and give yourself a better-than-average orgasm into the bargain, it helps to know what’s going on inside his mind. And that’s where I come in. After working on Men’s Health magazine for 7 years, responding to bloke’s concerns about sex, I have been privy to the average man’s raunchiest fantasies, biggest sex worries, his triumphs and disappointments. But my advice isn’t only based on hear’ say. I’ve also studied the science behind mind-blowing sex for my new book How to Blow His Mind in Bed (Piatkus, £7.99). And now I want to share my secrets with you. So here are some of the sex life-changing moves I’ve learned along the way.
Foreplay
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You want more, he wants less, but foreplay can easily be made more exciting for him, giving you the time you need to work up to the big event.
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1. Don’t be tongue tied
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If your man’s tongue feels more like a deep-sea diver exploring your throat cavity, try going with the flow instead of slowing him down. According to research by the University of Albany, men are far more likely to initiate open-mouthed kissing and with lots of tongue. It is in fact his way of getting you in the mood for sex, because a man’s saliva contains testosterone, which increases your libido. Effectively, his wet, sloppy kisses are the female version of liquid Viagra. So lap it up, ladies.
2. Wear red and blue
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Red clothing, be it shoes, skirts or a bra strap, gets men hotter than any other colour. Fact. And, say researchers at the University of California, it all comes down to fruit. When apples, cherries or strawberries become red, they’re ripe enough to eat, so we came to associate red with reward. And the blue? That’s your jeans. When Men’s Health readers voted on the sexiest outfit a woman could wear, well-fitting denims were classed as way hotter than dresses, skirts and other trousers.
3. Moan, moan, moan
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Not about the weather, the economy, or your lacklustre wardrobe, no, we mean letting out a soft womanly moan as he kisses you in the right places. During the University of Albany study mentioned above, researchers asked men to describe a good kiss. The winner was… good tongue contact plus moaning noises. It’s easy to work out why. It’s easy for us, we can literally feel his excitement grow in his trousers, but he doesn’t have such obvious signs to go by. Moaning is the female equivalent of a semi hard-on. And it’s music to his ears.
4. Investigate erotica
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A lot is made of men being ‘visual creatures’ but, admit it, you get just as turned on looking at naked flesh. And here’s some evidence: research from the Washington University School of Medicine, used brain scans to discover that women’s brains respond just as quickly as men’s do to erotica. Be warned, though, most porn is truly dire, so choose carefully.
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Here are our faves:
\r\nShortbus (2006) Plenty of explicit sex scenes, but it’s a ‘proper’ movie with fully explored characters and realistic situations. \r\nPirates: Stagnetti’s Revenge (2009) If you liked Pirates of the Caribbean, you’ll love the swashbuckling-style in this movie. Complete with realistic special effects, busty maidens and eye-patches. Call it pirate porn if you like.
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One Size Fits All (1997) You won’t find anything offensive here, just straightforward man on woman sex.
5. Give him head
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No, not that kind. There\'s a part of a man\'s body that\'s often ignored but really shouldn\'t be: his scalp. Think about how great it feels when your stylist massages your hair at the salon. It gives you tingles, right? And it’s the same for men. Touching skin while simultaneously moving hair helps stimulate more nerve endings. It\'s also a great way to ease tension that\'s built up over his day, setting him (and you!) up for a night of fun.
Oral sex
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You give and you get – never have those words been truer than when applied to oral sex. Luckily, there are ways to make a blowjob less of a chore, and techniques to show him what’s needed between your legs.
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6. Use lube
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Spit is great, it’s free and usually in plentiful supply, but if you’ve been drinking alcohol or coffee or simply haven’t drunk enough water, your mouth will need some moisture to make fellatio easier. And let’s not forget that it’s a unisex product – he can use it when he goes down on you too. Try Durex Play Pina Colada lube (£3.91). It’s sugar-free, safe to use with condoms and tastes like a tropical cocktail. Yum.
7. Don\'t curb your enthusiasm
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When I asked hundreds of men what made for a great blow job, nearly all of them said attitude. Men need to know you’re enjoying it. Don’t stop mid-way and say, “By the way, I’m
loving this!” But do try to focus all your attention on his penis, as if it’s the only thing in the world you want to think about. Explore it with your tongue and lips, and make ‘mmm’ noises while you’re down there –the vibrations from your voice help to stimulate his penis. Most importantly, make eye contact every so often to keep things intimate and let him know that you’re keen to see he’s enjoying it too.
8. Finish the job
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One of the most common complaints from men is that their partners don’t get them to climax during oral sex, which when you think of how long your man spends getting you to orgasm with his tongue, seems a little unfair. As many as one in three men have never orgasmed via fellatio – never! So once in a while take time to take him over the edge. He will forever be indebted to please you sexually in return.
9. Suck on a sweet
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The back of your throat doesn’t respond well to being tickled by a finger, let alone your boyfriend’s trouser snake. But there is something you can do to make fellatio easier – suck on an analgesic cough sweet beforehand. It numbs sensation, allowing you to take him deeper inside you. Doing so increases his pleasure because the sensitive head rubs on the back of your throat. Never have Lockets tasted so good.
10. Wash your lips
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Most men genuinely love the clean but musky smell of a woman, but make it better experience for both of you by avoiding nasty whiffs. The most likely cause is an upset pH balance, often caused by shlooshing out your nether regions with soapy water. Most soaps are alkaline, so if you lather-up down there you can upset the natural pH balance, leading to bacterial growth and odour. Use plain water or pH balanced soap if you want to keep your man going down so to speak.
11. Use his gear stick
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Not what you might expect, this actually refers to his behind. It’s key to communicating with him during sex. By grabbing his behind you send his ‘sex engine’ a message: ‘crank it up a gear, please, I want it faster, harder, with more power’. You can also use his derriere to delay his orgasm: his butt and thigh muscles tense just before climax and that’s because it intensifies the feeling and also brings on the orgasm. So to help him hold off, massage his butt cheeks with the aim of getting him to relax them. The benefits will all be yours.
12. Let him go without
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According to a survey by online dating site Lavalife, of nearly 10,000 men, almost half said they’d faked it. Thing is, the more worried you make him feel about not reaching climax the more likely it is to happen again (and the more he’s likely to fake it). So if you sense that he’s thrusting away without getting any closer to climax, and you’ve already orgasmed so he’s not biding his time, suggest taking a break. Cuddle and kiss. If he picks up and wants to get going again, great, but if not, that’s fine too.
13. Use the ace position
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The ‘A’ spot, a recessed area just above the cervix towards the front of your vagina, is stimulated by his penis in this position, giving you an even better orgasm. Start by getting on top of him, then have him raise his upper body and put his hands behind him so he’s resting on his arms. You then need to lean back on to your hands, and carefully put one leg, then the other, on top of his shoulders. All the gyrating and thrusting is down to you so you can target your sweet spots, while he gets to sit and enjoy the show.
14. Get yourself easier and better orgasms
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15. Work out regularly
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Exercising your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, the same one you use to hold in your pee, will give him a sensational experience during penetrative sex. More importantly, it makes your orgasms more powerful. But it’s not simply a matter of squeezing every now and again, you need to focus on the muscle as you would your abs or bottom with a workout regime.
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Your exercise regime:
\r\nInsert a vibrator and clench/ unclench as though you were stopping/ starting peeing. Try three sets of 12-15 rapid-fire squeezes every other day for a week, then do three sets of 8-10 squeezes, where you hold the squeeze for a second or more. That way you increase endurance and muscle power.
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How To Blow His Mind In Bed by Siski Green is published by Piatkus is out now, priced at £8.99.
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