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The 8 Traumatic Stages of Leaving Your Phone at Home

1. Shock, Despair, Panic, etc. You're walking through life completely unaware until you have a sickening realisation: You cannot find your phone on your person. It's not in your pockets, it's not in your bag, it's not in the car. You have left the house without your phone. What. Have. You. Done. You can't breathe or think because it's not even registering (You might be blacking out?). You — and only you — are responsible for making your worst nightmare come true. HOW COULD YOU HAVE DONE THIS TO YOURSELF?

2. Hopefulness Wait, did your phone just go off? WHY CAN'T YOU FIND IT? You felt a vibration. Ugh, fake-out. Wait, you heard a ping. Nope — not your phone. Dammit.

3. Anxiousness You are stressed the f**k out. Do you go back home? You left half an hour ago and you're already late for work. Can you live without it for a day? You probably can, but who knows? You haven't been without a cell phone in your hand since you can't remember when. Omgomgomgomg help.

4. Forgetfulness How are you going to get anywhere today?! You're lost (literally, without Google Maps how are you supposed to get anywhere?!). You have several meetings today (of course) and are without your calendar notifications. Woof, you're gonna be late.

5. Jealousy You have nothing to read and start noticing birds chirping, bees buzzing, and every flower in sight, which is a nice reprieve from looking at your phone ... until you remember that you don't have it. You start scrutinising people around you for being so glued to their phones. You get mad when someone reading his or her phone walks into you. Look up, jeez! You reach for the pocket you keep your phone in just in case it magically appeared. N O T H I N G.

6. Wistful Sadness Those texts you could be getting, the pictures you could be taking, the hot guy that maight have texted you ... It's all there, waiting for you, on the phone you left behind.

7. Satisfaction You made it. You survived. You know, living without a phone for, like, a few hours isn't actually half bad.

8. Bliss You're reunited. You dive for it and reattach yourself to your phantom limb. Phoooooooone, where have you been all my liiiiiiiiffffeeee. Kiss me!  WHAT?!!? There aren't ANY texts or missed calls. Oh. 


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