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15 Most Annoying Things Guys Do on Tinder

1. Having his arm around a different girl in every single profile photo. So you mean that one day I could be one of the women in your Tinder harem? Be still my thoroughly nauseated heart.

2. Writing nothing in his "about me." Oh, cool, so all I have to go on is that you take selfies at the gym and love free weights? Can't wait to start that conversation. It will not at all be an immediate waste of my time.

3. Complaining about how women never make the first move on Tinder. And just exactly how should I make that first move, when all you wrote in your "about me" was an angry comment about women not asking you out? Sounds like that would be fun for both of us!

4. Not furthering the conversation at fucking all. If I just said, "Hi," and you replied, "Hi," and then I asked, "How was your day?" and you replied, "Good," I am already so bored that I'm leaking teardrops on my phone. Also, I have stuff in my "about me"!!! Ask me about my about me! Unless you expect me to just write, "Sex tonight, yes?" which haha not going to happen.

5. Putting group photos as his profile pics so I feel like I'm about to have sex with a cult of guys named Scott. I'm not even sure I want to date one guy named Scott, let alone 15 Scotts all wearing hemp chokers.

6. Putting that stupid Anchorman quote in his profile. Look, I have no problem with the movie or the quote itself, but I'd say 90 percent of Tinder guys think it's totally hilarious to just make their about me section "I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany." Look, maybe you didn't know every guy was doing this, but now that you do, put in at least one other defining thing.

7. Showing us that he caught a giant fish one time. This one is a mixed bag because first of all, I'm not sure I believe that you recreationally fish (it was probably, like, 10 years ago and the one time you went on a boat trip ever), but then also I would like to eat that fish. At any rate, this is still a thing So Many Guys Do, so it gives me no sense of who you are at all. Other than "guy who caught a fish in 2005."

8. Making a joke about how we're dumb if we swipe left. Wait, we haven't even gone out yet and already you're negging me? Can't wait for that awkward date wherein you'll also tell me that all women are teases!

9. Getting mad at us for asking for his height. Look, man, we don't want to do it, but so many of you guys get so freaked out if we're taller than you or you tell us not to wear heels or some shit, and we're just trying to avoid that.

10. Writing something about how he wants to see a full body photo to make sure we're not fat. So we're not allowed to ask how tall you are because we're trying to avoid you freaking out, but you're allowed to tell us what kinds of photos we post so you can make sure we're thin enough for you? Diiiiiiiiie.

11. Only replying to our messages every few hours or just once a day. I know people get busy. I do. But you're just pretending to be busy so I'll fight for your affection, when all I'm going to do is ignore you and talk to the guy who actually messages me back in a reasonable amount of time.

12. Being ridiculously cutesy and coy with your messages. There are only so many wink emojis and flirtatious "maybes" that you need to send me in one chat. I'm not a puppy or a baby, so when I ask you a question and you say "maybe ;)" you sound like you're about to pinch my cheeks or throw a ball in a park to see if I'll go get it for you. Nope.

13. Putting a photo of him with a child who for all we know might be his kid. There's nothing wrong with being a single dad, but at least put something like that in your profile so we know you're a single dad and not "Married guy with kids who is also cheating on his wife and thinks this shot of him with his son is really hot."

14. Having profile photos that all have the same woman in them. One time I messaged a guy who did this and I was like, "I'm so glad you and your wife are having such a great marriage!" and he was like, "Wife? Oh, you mean the woman in my photos? That's my sister!" Then why is she in every photo dude?! Of course I'm going to think it's your girlfriend. Also, why are all of your photos with your sister? Glad you two are close but also, get more friends.

15. Chatting with us forever and ever and ever, and never asking us out. Look, I'm not saying guys have to be the ones to ask us out all the time, but guys complain about women wanting to be pen pals. We don't! But if you're talking to us for days and days and we haven't made a move yet, someone has to and it has got to be you.

By Lane Moore. Follow Lane on Twitter and Instagram.

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