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We’re in a sex-cession, don’t you know

jameela jamil
It’s a funny time of year, isn’t it? We are at our most reflective, most motivated and full of ‘Fresh Start Fever’ in the first few months of a New Year. I like to not only look forward, but to look back, too. And whilst doing so recently, I had a realisation - it’s been almost TWO years since I last had a boyfriend.

In fact it’s been so long since I last kissed a boy that I’m scared I’ve forgotten how! Today, that length of time without intimacy seems shocking to people. Some have been known to fall off their chairs when I tell them. But the biggest shock of all? I’m not actually that fussed. I’d rather wait until the time’s right.

Because I tend to dress in a way that could be perceived as ‘provocative’, I guess some people find it surprising that I’m not the T4 bicycle, letting everyone hop on and have a go. But the reality is that I’m 25 and I’ve only ever been intimate with two people, both of who I was in a relationship with. And I’m not letting my guard (or my knickers) down until I fall in love again.

I find it extraordinary how eager we are to get the sex part out of the way nowadays. I find it even more extraordinary how many girls have slept with a man before they felt totally ready or sure about them. But frigid has become the new F word.

Hey, each to their own, I have no objection to girls sleeping with as many people as they want to, but only if they WANT to. What’s the hurry? Where’s the build up and the magic? I’ve never heard a girl report back from a one night stand with a random bloke they met in a nightclub and say, “Gosh, that was brilliant, I’m glad I did that, and it wasn’t awkward AT ALL when we woke up not remembering each others’ names. Can’t wait to do THAT again!” Instead, I have spent many a Sunday morning, consoling women as they sink into their Post Piss-Up Fry Ups, with a side order of Regret.

Sex is like money. The more of it there is going around, the less value it has. Essentially, we’re entering an era of Sexual Inflation, and I appear to be in my very own recession. Sex is everywhere, especially in the media. Most adverts now allude to sex, even cat food commercials are a bit too sexy for my liking, and why do those women in chocolate ads look like they’re not sure whether to eat her chocolate bar or shag it? Then there’s that famous store advert, which I don’t need to name, with the seductive music, cream trickling down the curve of a strawberry, and a husky voiceover lady who sounds like she’s on the verge of orgasm. It’s a meal! Not a man!

Sex sells! Sex sells! Sex sells! But what exactly is it selling us? If anything we’re being robbed; robbed of romance, robbed of mystery, robbed of that brilliantly terrifying build up before you decide to take the next step with someone.

I’m not preaching and I’m certainly not insinuating that my lifestyle choice is superior, but I am saying that there’s something empowering and exciting about waiting a while. It’s the difference between eating a delicious meal that you’ve slaved over for hours while the smells flirt with you, or just calling in a curry which arrives 15 minutes later, having been cooked in a big pot with 10 other people’s curries. I’ve been single for so long because some men have tried to make me feel irrational for not wanting to sleep with them in the first 24 hours of meeting. Forgive me, but I just find that really unappealing. Sex is a big deal, a WONDERFUL, fun, exciting big deal, and it’s sad how casual it’s become. Because when genuine feelings are involved, sex is a BILLION times better, and every man I’ve ever asked has agreed.

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